Swimming in it until I’m pruny!

splash waterHow are you with waiting?  Lately the topic of patience has come up a lot with my kids.  When talking to them about what I expect from them when they’re asked to be patient, I realized I needed to define what patience was.  What I came up with was “waiting with a good attitude” and every time I describe it that way, part of me feels like I’m reminding myself that I too need to “wait with a good attitude.”

I’ve never been good at waiting and right now I feel like that’s what I’m being asked to do.  Again.  Ever feel done with a season of your life but cannot clearly see what is around the corner and when the next season will begin?  That’s where I find myself.  Part of me feels like my season of being a SAHM will be coming to an end soon.  But without clear direction, I’m waiting, because maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe I’ve got more months or more years as a SAHM.  I feel like the past three years have been so beautiful, so purposeful, but now it’s time to move on.  I look at my daughter and can’t believe she’s three and that I’ve been home with her every day of those three years.  I look at my son and am in awe of how well he is thriving. That he’s now in the 27th percentile for height and 10th or 11th overall.  After four years of fighting to get weight on him and struggling to help him eat, he’s getting there!  Today he ate more solid food than purees and considering how little solid food he was eating efficiently when feeding therapy ended last fall, it is absolutely amazing!  His meals are looking more and more “normal,” meaning they are either all solids or if there’s a combination of textures (soup, sandwich, and some fruit). It could be any five year olds plate!!!  Incredible!

All that to say, it has been amazing.  They’ve grown.  I’ve grown.  But right now, I’m restless.  I don’t feel like this is a role I’ll play forever and I feel passionate and called back to working with high-risk teenagers and the system they’re in.  And since I have a personality that is all about trying to plan and create my future how I want it and because I don’t have a lot on my plate right now, I’m restless.  The question is, what does God want for me right now? How can I wait well?

Because I daydream about the next season of my life, I get caught up in details, planning, and what-ifs.  None of this is inherently wrong, but for me, it pulls me away from the here and now and can create a lack of contentedness if I’m not careful.  A friend, who is also in a waiting and wondering season of her life, reflected that she feels torn between praying for what she hopes for specifically (citing John 14:14 and John 15:16) and surrendering and praying for God’s will in her life because that is what will truly be the best thing for her–even if it looks nothing like her current hopes.  I feel the same way.  Am I to pray for what I hope and dream to happen (in technicolor and 3D) or am I to take an emotional and cognitive step back and say “Your Will, Lord, whatever details will be, will be…”  How do I wait well in this and seek Him?  Boy, did it make me feel normal that another friend was wrestling with the same internal dynamics as me!  Can you relate?

splash water 2I am excited about what the next season in my life is going to look like, even though there are a lot of unknowns.  That being said, I believe that God is teaching me to delight and live in the now.  The present.  Another friend and I were talking earlier in the week about God giving us a word or a phrase for the year.  The phrase that God gave me for this year was “Love well those I have given you.”  I’ve kept these words in front of me this year.  It has caused me to make better choices, to pray more intently, and to really ask myself, how do my kids and my husband best feel loved by me.  I can’t think of a better way to love my kids and husband and others God has put in my life than being fully present and content now.  Each moment, each day.  That’s hard for my personality but I’m learning.  And maybe because it’s summer, I picture myself being fully present like relaxing, floating, meandering in a pool or the ocean, savoring each aspect of the experience–the sun, the smells, the sounds, the water…being truly present and loving it.

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So I want to swim, soak, and truly be in the present until my fingers and toes get all pruny!  What does that look like for me right now?  How can I be purposeful and get every drop of goodness and joy in the present?  How can I fully delight in this season, right now?

BE TRULY PRESENT with my kids

  • I need to unplug from the technology—off the computer, off my phone, turn the TV off and just BE with THEM.  Getting rid of cable this summer has been a great start towards doing this!
  • We need to do bigger things (like going to the Springs, camping, going on vacation) but also savor hanging out at home or going to the park together. Creating a summer bucket list has helped me focus on what I’d like to accomplish together this summer
  • Studying, observing, and truly knowing my children inside and out.  Becoming a student of them so I can highlight their strengths, understand and empathize with their weaknesses, and help them become who God has made them to be.  I desire to draw them out and encourage their individuality, not create two little clones of Ryan and myself.

And, oh, how I love the little moments I get to have with my children.  This past weekend I got to watch them discover and catch fireflies for the first time.  Is there anything better than lightning-bug-jar1watching children delight in new things or delighting in what they’re discovering they are capable of doing?  And how many of those moments would I miss if I weren’t here right now or if my eyes were glued to a screen, zoning out…

READ, READ, READ… I love to learn.  I love to read.  I thought I wouldn’t be able to read often as a mom of two but this season of life has allowed me to do a lot more reading than the first few years of motherhood.  Listening to books on CD has really helped too!  As I reflect on my reading habit, I’ve found when I’m busy and/or stressed out, I gravitate toward legal/suspense novels or other fiction.  During those times, I tend to read to escape or be entertained rather than to be inspired, to learn, or to grow.  This past six months, while I haven’t had to juggle a ton of things, I’ve been taking advantage of the time I’ve had and am reading, reading, reading!!!!  And because I’ve felt relaxed and rejuvenated, I’ve been plunging into books that have challenged me to grow and to go deeper.  Not just reading for entertainment’s sake.

summer reading

I love hearing from friends, family, and fellow bloggers what they’re reading currently.  I love it when people share their list of what they’ve been reading or want to read.  It’s like opening a treasure chest!  So I thought I’d throw together a list of books I’ve loved reading lately too.  Here’s the books I’ve read this past year that I highly recommend:

Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, & Lead & Men, Women, & Worthiness: The Experience of Shame & The Power of Being Enough

Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys by Stephen James & David Thomas

Jen Hatmaker’s Interrupted:—An Adventure in Relearning the Essentials of Faith & Seven—An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Two books by Mary DeMuth (I discovered this author through Jen Hatmaker referencing her works in Interrupted book): Beautiful Battle: A Woman’s Guide to Spiritual Warfare (one of the best books I’ve read this year) and Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture–Practical Help for Shaping Your Children’s Hearts, Minds, & Souls

Good Boss, Bad Boss: How to Be the Best….And Learn from the Worst by Robert Sutton

Lean In:Women, Work, & the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Carry On, Warrior–The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life by Glennon Doyle Melton

Forgotten God–Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan

The Nesting Place–It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Beautiful by Myquillyn Smith

I also picked up and re-read some oldies but goodies: Dallas Willard’s Divine Conspiracy and Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning

Here’s some books I’m looking forward to cracking open next:

The Connected Child: Bringing Hope & Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Karyn Purvis (supposed to be great about early childhood development, attachment, bonding, and trauma issues)

Restoring the Shattered Self–A Christian Counselor’s Guide to Complex Trauma by Heather Daveduik Gingrich

Bread & Wine–A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes and Bittersweet- Thoughts on Change, Grace, & Learning the Hard Way by Shauna Niequist

First, Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently by Marcus Buckingham

I’d love to hear from you the books you’d recommend I add to my To-Read list.  I can never have too many options when it comes to books!

GROW…In addition to the stacks of books I’ve been devouring, I’ve enjoyed reading blogs, articles, and getting involved in small groups and large groups focused on faith, parenting, and relationships.  This past spring Ryan and I took part in a Love and Logic parenting course that was phenomenal and currently I’m part of my first Beth Moore Bible Study20140530_161559 (James—Mercy Triumphs).  And I’ll be seeing Beth Moore speak here in Denver in a few weeks.  It’ll be the first mostly woman conference I’ve gone to—I’m soooo not into the women’s ministry thing but am looking forward to this gathering.  All this to say that I feel like I’m doing a better job being intentional about challenging myself, learning, and reaching out to others to go deeper in friendships.  I’ve been learning a lot, laughing a lot, and feel like I’ve grown so much.

CREATE…besides being more creative with what I cook, I’ve enjoyed painting again (thanks to Ryan’s encouragement) and after being inspired by Jen Hatmaker’s verison of a “feature wall,” I’m in the process of creating our own “feature wall.”  Anyone else absolutely LOVE Myquillin Smith’s “The Nesting  Place”?  Her ideas about cost effective ways to make your home beautiful have changed my life.  And her philosophy on doing so, including shaking off the fear of messing it up or not getting 20140530_161611your creativity “perfect” has so freed me!  Diving into creating feels like I’ve been reunited with an old friend.  I had found other ways to be creative than art, but my soul sings when I’m doing something artistic.  I’m proud of this painting and I can’t wait to see more original creations hanging up in our house.  Before I used to feel like I had to do a whole room to completion, but I’m learning to do one thing at a time and watch it evolve.  I just started a project with old window frames and I can’t wait to refurbish some wooden chairs I got for super cheap.  I have several uber-talented friends who can school me in the basics.  And I’m super excited because a friend and I are hosting a girl’s creativity night this coming week.  We’ve asked women we know who live and breathe creativity to come hang out for an evening, each of us bringing something we’re working on. I hope to be productive and inspired. I’m super excited!!!!

So, here I go.

Living it up in the Present.

Swimming in it until I’m all pruny and relaxed.  Loving those He’s given me, well.

How about you?  How do you handle waiting?  Do you tend to live most in the past, the present, or like me, the future?  Has God given you a word for this year or this season?  How do you manage the tension between praying about your hopes and dreams and asking that His will be done?

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If you liked this post, check out: Bloom Where You’re Planted

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