It’s interesting reflecting on my thoughts and feelings lately. I don’t know if it’s returning to work after being gone for several years or what, but lately I’ve second guessed myself a lot more than usual and have over-analyzed encounters with others and spent more time than usual trying to figure out what I’m going to say in certain situations. It all came back to wanting to say the right thing, do the right thing, and overall control not only the outcome but how I’m perceived by others. I wanted to do a good job but I also wanted to be seen as a competent and skilled professional too. God challenged me about this. How much of it was not wanting to trust Him, that whether I got it “right” or not, He could bring good from it. And that He will use me screw-ups and all! He doesn’t want me perfect, He wants me depending on Him. So imagine how I felt reading the following devotional, it spoke right to my current concerns! Not easy words to hear from someone who likes to figure everything out in advance, but definitely what I needed to hear today:
Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. Relax, and refresh yourself yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love. My Love Light never dims, yet you are often unaware of My radiant Presence. When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help. This is a subtle sin—so common that it usually slips by unnoticed.
The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply. Train your mind to seek My help continually, even when you feel competent to handle something by yourself. Don’t divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently.
Psalm 37:3-6, Philippians 4:19